May 9, 2008


Hi! here is another article from Joe d mango's Lovenotes....

Dear Joe,

Hey there! How is it going? I don't get to listen to your radio program but a personal friend of mine added my email address onto "lovenotes" distribution list. At first I find it too "mushy" but later on I realized, "this is reality," and I myself can never deny the fact that I've been touched to tons of letters I've read so far. It took me awhile before I decided to spit out my own fair of sorrow in public. In my heart, mind and soul - - It'll always be a memory that made me realize that there are only two people in this world, "One who make things happen...and one who wait for things to happen"...I hope this serves as a challenge, lesson & inspiration to all of those who loved and lost it...

I met Mark on a New Year's Eve, at a party I've avoided if I could have come up with good reason not to be there. As I unenthusiastically drove to the party, I plotted an early escape - - until a tall, dark-haired man greeted me near the front door. Mark was from New York City but was in Washington, DC for a post-Christmas vacation, visiting a former roommate. I like him immediately. He talked easily about his family and Graduate School, and his comical impersonations lit up the room as we waited for midnight. Witty. Confident. Intelligent. I went through my mental checklist of qualities I desired in a mate, and realized Mark fit the bill more than anyone I'd met in years. I watched him weave through the room, talking and joking with people, and felt something inside twist with nervous excitement. When he caught my eye later and motioned me over to a quiet corner of the room to talk, I hoped that the attraction I felt was mutual.

We had five days before he drove back home, and we crammed as much as we could into that time. We toured museums, the White House, the Pentagon & all other botanical gardens in Virginia and lastly watched a play at the Kennedy Center which turned out really romantic. While it snowed almost every day, and I was exhausted for lack of sleep, I wore a permanent and ridiculous smile because of him. I knew a long distance relationship wouldn't last be easy, but the possibility of a future together made the miles seem unimportant. Finally, the person I'd been waiting and praying for had come into my life. It had been a long wait. One and a half years had passed since I've dated anyone seriously, and I'd spent much of that time agonizing over my singleness. Again and again, I wonder why God hadn't chosen me for the blessing of marriage.

The whole world seemed different after I met Mark. In the first phone call from NYC, he told me that I had all the qualities he was looking for in a wife. My heart pounded with the anticipation of all that lay ahead of us. I thought he was my personal gift from God. Several months later, six to be exact, Mark's phone calls came less frequently, and the warmth of our first conversations slowly cooled. He cracked jokes when I wanted to be serious, and I caught myself talking to him about the weather. I called Mark one night when the moon was huge and golden over the outside of my window, wondering if it looked as enormous in the Big Apple City. The only response was the hollow sound of his answering machine. He was out with friends, he told me later, and apparently hadn't thought much about me or the moon at night. I told myself I couldn't expect a long-distance relationship to be simple. I prayed harder and tried to ignore the signs that our relationship was faltering after only 6 months?

Finally, Mark sent a polite letter why he didn't see a future for us. The note was typed, its tone was painfully businesslike. "Whenever I think about us, I consistently come up with reasons why you'd be a wonderful choice, yet, there's a knowing 'feeling' I'm missing...and it's one I MUST HAVE. Unfortunately, I don't know how to acquire it - - it simply has to be there." He closed with an apology, THEN SIMPLY SIGNED HIS NAME. I read the letter again and again, trying to let the words sink in -- and at the same time trying to thread of hope that might have worked its way between the lines. But there was none. The person I thought God has sent was gone. And up until now, at 28, I have not found the right man yet. Each day makes me feel more frustrating, thinking about that man I should end up with...and sometimes, I feel like I'm about to give up. I'm tired of getting in and out of a relationship for 8 years now, I wanted a real one...a more stable & focused. What shall I do? The only thing that keeps me busy right now is my work & I teach low impact (muscle firming) for women over the weekend. I'm tired of going to bars (meat market ones). Am I becoming a loser? All of my friends have engagement rings already, and I have none. How will I make myself happy in times of frustrations?

Thanks for reading my letter! I hope everything's fine at your end. I miss the PHILIPPINES, it's been 13 years since I last visited the country. And I might visit sometime December, I wish to meet you and have coffee with you maybe? I'll tag two of my childhood friends so our chat would be even more livelier! You don't have to choose this letter if you don't feel like posting it, but I'm sure will wait for your prompt reply & advice.

All the best!



Joes Notes

Dear Tina,
Sometimes , it seems that it would take us an eternity to find a lasting relationship. It is easy to fall in love but keeping the fire burning is a different story. For a hundred and different reasons, the glow and the excitement of the first few episodes of a seemingly perfect relationship can unexpectedly turn dark and cold. And soon, the would sparks fade and people will just find themselves falling out of love.

Unfortunately , Tina, there is no sure-fire formula to enduring relationships. We wouldn’t know exactly if it would work unless we get ourselves into it . And indulging our emotions seriously into heart matters can have serious repercussions when the love that we thought will stay forever changes its course and leaves us.

Tina, not having an engagement ring doesn’t make you a loser. That tiny gold clad in your finger cannot guarantee happiness. And sometimes, finding the right person doesn’t always makes us happy either. Remember, we should not expect others to make us happy for we can experience it even if we are all by ourselves . Real happiness is a state of mind and flows from within our hearts and not from others.

Tina, don’t think that you have had enough after eight failed relationships. Others have been through more frustrating failures than that. Having gone through these in one piece is something that you have to be thankful for. Remember, every relationship , successful or not, is always a learning experience. After each recovery , we come out as a better knowing person. We learn to experience that pain will hurt us but we will also learn to understand that pain will teach us to become stronger persons.

Tina, don’t give up . The curtains of love will not close on you at 28 . Believe me , there will be another tall and dark-haired man who will come your way again . He wouldn’t be Mark but he would be someone better than him and someone who would not write you a goodbye letter. You just have to trust that God always has a better reason for making us suffer . Do not count and think of your shattered dreams for you will lose focus on things that are more important. Remember , it shouldn’t matter how many times we love and lose our balance , what should matters is how many times we get up after each fall and learn to trust and love again.

I would love to have coffee with you and your friends come December. I also hope you have opened a new chapter of your life by then. My best wishes.