Jun 24, 2008


This will serve as a lesson for the "unfaithful" boyfriends / husband

Dear Joe,

It may be pretty weird to hear from a guy but my story would prove that I have no one else to turn to.

For a bit of a background, I’m 19 years old and a 3rd year college student in Manila. although my father's hardware business gives just enough to support my younger sister's and my own studies, I work part time in a fastfood restaurant to help with the household expenses and for me to have some money I can call my own.

I have a barkada of 8 members whom I've been with since my freshman days. My closest friend in our group also works in the same fastfood. Although I don't want to put the blame on my barkada, it was with them that my problem started.

We went out on the night of my 18th birthday. As a birthday gift, the guys chipped in to "buy" me a girl. Although it was against my personal convictions, I accepted the "gift" so I won't embarrass my friends and so that they would stop teasing me as gay. Besides, the beer made me think, "What the heck? It's my birthday and it wouldn't hurt to be brave once in a while." To add more to the dare to sleep with a prostitute, I was not able to use protection.

I had fun on my birthday until the real problem showed up a few days later. It started when it felt painful just to take a leak. I tried to ignore this at first thinking that there was too much salt in my diet. But it got worse when an unusual discharge came out. This got me worried enough to consult a close friend. He gave me some antibiotics. It helped for a while but the pain came back after 2 weeks. Right now, I'm still suffering with the discomfort but I’ve more or less learned to live with it. I'm afraid to go to a doctor since the medicines and check-up might be too expensive for me. I find it difficult to ask money from my parents since I am more or less independent by now and they will ask why I need the money. It's really embarrassing to tell this sort of thing to them. And I've always tried my best not to give them any trouble.

Also, I still don't know how to tell all of this to my girlfriend. She doesn't know about my sickness and I haven't told her about what really happened during my birthday. She can sense that something is wrong. But whenever she tries to find out what's troubling me, I simply turn away. Our relationship is getting cold and uneasy. But to confess all of this bothers me everytime we're together. I know its wrong to hide this from her. I know that it's my fault that we're in a cold war. But I'm still afraid of what will happen after I reveal this. I don't want to lose her and her forgiveness means everything to me. For the year that we've been together, I respected her decision not to have sex but with my kind of sickness, will I be able to infect her?

Even my studies are starting to suffer. I'm now usually late for most of my classes and some, I just skip. It gets difficult to focus on one thing- even at work. My mom is starting to notice all this. I just tell her I've got a lot on my mind. This reaction is not normal coming from me because I'm very close with my mom. I want to ask her for help but I don't know how she'll take this. I don't want to make her worry. I don't want her to get involved with my problem as much as possible. I still want to prove that I’m a responsible person.

I had no idea how one little secret sickness can cause so much trouble. Even if I try to hide the pain that I’m feeling, it hurts the people I love in its own way. My barkada calls me the "goodtime boy". I may be very popular with my friends but this ego trip doesn't mean anything anymore compared to what I'm personally going through.

I can't hide this sickness anymore, Joe. How do I tell my girlfriend? My mom? Do you know any place I can go to that specializes in treating my sort of ailment? I'm desperate and I want to bring things as they were before.

Joe, thank you for taking the time to read my letter. I do hope many would learn from what have shared with you. I'm learning my lesson as I speak and I hope God is listening. This seems to be to much for me to bear .Thank you once again and best regards.



Joes Notes


There will come a point in our lives when God will make us realize that our actions based on our disregard of moral convictions and our deliberate surrender to our lustful desires will always have consequences which we have to face and be responsible for.

First and foremost, declining to your barkada’s offer wouldn’t have made you less of a man. There are a hundred and one ways to have fun on our birthdays. Do you think you have thanked God for giving you another year of life by sleeping with a prostitute ? Bradley, a brave man is not always the one who can dare to take the challenge of others but the one who can firmly say no and stand for his convictions and fight for what he believes is right.

Neither myself nor any other man can claim that he is righteously clean . Bradley, we all are guilty of giving in to our desires and fall into sin. But ,I honestly believe that God has a divine purpose for sex. It should not be sold for money nor should it be enjoyed casually. AIDS, Herpes, Gonorrhea, and other sexually transmitted diseases should all serve as reminders that sex should only be confined to just one partner and only within the bounds of marriage. This may raise the brows of many who would try to justify their actions but this is the truth and the only truth.

Bradley you know the consequences of sleeping with a stranger without any protection. A lot of us know as well. You have fallen once and you have been unlucky . Yes , there is a possibility that you may infect your girlfriend or anyone for that matter with your disease when you become sexually intimate with them .
Whatever it is that infected you needs to be checked , diagnosed and treated before it gets worst. The information here will be of great help not only to you but to many who are in a similar situation.

For those who want to do research on Reproductive Health , Sexuality, HIV and STD’s you may call the AIDS HOTLINE library at 524-4831 and look for Lisa. For counselling regarding the above mentioned topics you may call 524-4507, 524-4427 and 542-0551. All the calls are treated with confidentiality and only the age and area from where you are calling and not the names are not asked . You may call their clinic for an appointment at 252-2874 for a reasonable consultation fee and they may further refer you to the Department of Health for free consultation.

Bradley , I hope this is not a serious case. With newly developed medicines, a minor infection will only take several days to cure. Do not self- medicate for you may prolong or worsen your condition with the wrong medicines. You have to deal with this first. Once you are on your way to recovery ,you’ll feel a lot better. Then, you may opt to spare your mom from worrying about you and your condition. But when the need arises, our mothers are probably the best friend and counselor we could ever have. They have risked their lives when they brought us to this world and they would never hesitate to risk that again just to protect and save us from harm.

Bradley, to tell or not to tell your girlfriend about this solely depends on you. People have different views on honesty in relationships. Knowing the truth even if it hurts doesn’t work on all relationships and keeping secrets for a long time sometimes does harm as well. If you tell your girlfriend , it may probably be like saying goodbye .Or it could also be a lesson that will make a stronger bond. If you don’t tell her , then your relationship will be back to normal as if nothing happened but then there might that feeling of guilt that will silently haunt you and make you feel uneasy. It is your call, Bradley. What is important now is to seek medical attention and hear the counsel of professionals who have dealt with even worst situations. Again the AIDS and STD’s HOTLINES are 524-0551 524 4507 and 524 4427. The Clinic’s number is 252-2874 and the Aids Hotline Library is 524-4831.

I hope Bradley’s story has sunk important lessons into our minds. Choose to be good than to be called a “good-time boy”. When we have to deal with our barkada again and people who would lure us into doing what is against our will let us remember that saying no doesn’t mean we’re a coward , it just means that we are using our head and not our ego . Turning around doesn’t mean we’re backing out, it just means that we know where the right way is and that is where we want to be..