Jun 9, 2008


Dear Joe,
I long wanted to consult you this problem. Long before it started. As far as I remember I tried to convey this through "snail-mail."Anyway, this is all about me and the lady whom I’m uncertain with my feelings whom we can call "Gellie."
We met during the second semester of 1990. While I was waiting for the next conference of the student movement. Back then, I was the head of the propaganda bureau of our organization. She kept on smiling at me. As if we already met before. Ironically, I was ashamed to get near her. Since she had head-turning looks. On the contrary, I was not, I was in a wheelchair. But, I didn’t allow my disability to hamper my dreams and aspirations. As I stared and stared at her. I don’t know what happened next. I felt I was being hypnotized.
On the other hand, I enamored politics the way she hated it. That’s why, I sacrificed my political lifestyle only to soothe her whims. In fact, I provided her with shoulders to cry on, during her troubled times. Call it absurdity, but, whenever we had a misunderstanding I was the first one to apologize. Even though, I knew it was her fault. That was how crazy I was. I felt there was magic whenever we were together. There was so much happiness. A feeling not even Webster can describe. We ate lunch together, went to the park, the carnival, watched concerts and movies. Since I came from a well-off family I managed to do those things. On the other side, I never took advantage, even though I can with a snap of a finger. As a matter of fact, she used to spend the night with me and my family. We were like sweethearts, then. Our family were already close. That everybody, including myself, of course, were expecting for the long table.
As my only asset, I did her paper works; research, case studies, only to be close to her most of the time. It really paid-off. Because being with her was a feeling of cradlesong. A moment that I always cherished. Our relationship was not a typical bed of roses, it also had its jagged moments. This occurred when she started avoiding me. Well, obviously, I didn’t took this case sitting down, figuratively speaking. I demanded reasons from her. I kept asking her and myself "why?" She only gave empty and silent answers. In exchange of my loyalty. She turned into an infidel. At times I waited for her the whole day in front of our library; the place we used to meet. But then not even her shadow would show up. Although, I have been hearing rumors she’s been hanging around with some guys indulging in fraternity activities. Honestly, I felt skeptical about the issue, I was thinking those rumors were meant to destroy our "sweet" relationship. At this point, all the sweetness began to fade, bit by bit. It was in 1992, whenthe entire student movement entered into a tremenduous turning point. She was slowly detaching herself, on the one hand. And an organization; which I offered my life was standing on a shaking ground. Being one of the pioneer in our organization, I tried to intervene to settle whatever dispute there was.
At that time, I saw myself running in circles and nowhere to go. I had sleepless nights and lost my appetite and felt sickly. I was pondering where have I gone wrong. Frankly, I even blamed God. I saw myself drifting into emptiness. Soon I woke up from a deep somber. I saw that I was left without nothing. I had failing academic remarks. How I regret the day this all started? How I wish I could turn back the clock and rectify my foolishness.
Ironically, I tried to forget her. Although time really heals wounds of yesterday. I just couldn’t remove the jovial times we spent. As my psychiatrist advised me all I could do is live by the happy times we shared. From the ashes I tried to rebuild myself. I finished my Bachelor’s Degree in Political Science and successfully established my own computer centre here in Fairview.
Presently, she’s coming back once again. But she’s never the same as before. She got pregnant with someone she’s not close with. Essentially, I won’t be honest to say that my feeling already died down. Partially, my trust and confidence is being tested. As of now, whenever she visits me, the feeling still burns. Indeed, I couldn’t shoved her when she visits. And no matter how I try? I just couldn’t resist her charm. Currently, I cannot tell anybody about this situation I am undertaking. I know I was tormented before. My mind tells me to avoid her. But, my heart pounds her back to me. Today, I can feel for myself, I’ve changed whenever I would approach her. I am no longer the meek-disciplined radical. As of now, whenever she’s around I would wrap her aggressively around my arms and boldly manifest my feelings. On her part, she wouldn’t even resist.
Joe, I know you’re the only one whom I can turn to. Please enlighten me on this matter. Good luck and thank you for sparing time in reading my mail. God bless!


Joes Notes

Dear Dodit,
It is an undeniable fact that you are still madly attracted to Gellie. She may have had a child out of wedlock but that doesn’t really matter, does it?. Nothing has changed with the way you feel for her even her past was tainted dark with many unpleasant experiences .
Dodit , you have to be true to yourself. I don’t see any reason why you have to torment yourself by repressing your feelings for her. She may have made mistakes in her life but that doesn’t mean that she cannot have another chance.
I believe that you have to go beyond your silent expressions of affection , sit down and listen to what you have long wanted to say. If you can aggressively wrap your arms around her and she would not resist, I assume that both of you can openly talk about your feelings for each other without any hesitation and reservation.
Only when you know where you stand can you decide on the next best step to take. Dodit , many may say that you’re better off looking for someone who’s single and free but if you know deep in your heart that she’s the one who’s going to make you happy then there’s nothing wrong in giving yourselves a second chance. If she isn’t married yet and if she is making her presence felt once again then maybe , she could just be waiting for you to make the first move.
Dodit, this is your call. You can emotionally detach yourself from her completely and sacrifice your feelings or you can work on a promising chance of being together again. If you can learn to accept her for all that she is and for all that she has now then you can rekindle all that has died out and breath a new life to your relationship.
Let us all remember that it is always better to have tried and failed than not to have tried and lived the rest of our lives regretting the chances we’ve missed and wondering what could have been if only we have listened to the silent cries of our hearts.