Jun 3, 2008

The Secret

Dear Joe,
You can me Mitchell, I’m 25 years old and presently working in one of the most prestigious Software Development Firms in Makati. I work as a systems engineer and have been undergoing series of trainings here and abroad. Career wise, I can say I’m having the prime of it, but as the saying goes you can’t always have everything.
Ever since I was a kid I had always been thankful to God for all the blessings that I had been receiving all these years. I graduated high school as class valedictorian and ended up Cum Laude upon completing my engineering course. After which, jobs were coming everywhere, looking for me and I even managed to bid for a good compensating salary considering I was just then a fresh graduate.
A lot of my friends admire me for these achievements and wishing they were in my shoes. Little did they know it was something I would like to exchange with them for a little happiness.
I’m no man-hater, Joe. But I’ve had five relationships since high school and all were failures.
I was easily attracted with men who are tough and mature, just like my first serious relationship with my 4th boyfriend Roy. He’s the kind of man any woman would want to have. He’s 8 years my senior, very responsible and a real secure and stable person. We started going steady when I was just on my Junior year in College. We went steady for almost 5 years. Roy and I had a real good time together, we get along pretty well, and because I felt so sure about him we unavoidably reached the peak of intimacy.
Before I graduated college Roy asked me to marry him but I refused. I asked him to wait for at least 3 more years . After that , we both started to feel that we’re slowly drifting apart. Until one day, I received a letter from him breaking me the news that he was marrying someone whom he had gotten pregnant.We parted ways, Joe. I had no other choice, I guess. I learned to live my life all over again, and pick myself up from the floor.
In the summer of 1997, I met Reggie in one of our company’s summer outing in Palawan. The timing was perfect, the air was just filled with romance. We’ve had 5 long days together in a place that was almost paradise for me. He had always been so vocal about his admiration towards me and that made us grow closer together.
One, after coming home from a party where I got really drunk, he took me home to my pad, and yes Joe, something happened between us. He knew about Roy but I didn’t mention anything about my virginity. The next morning , he was mad and he said he really felt cheated. I tried explaining that I didn’t have any plans of keeping it from him. I was just waiting for the perfect time, but he didn’t listen. He walked out from me without a word and since then, he stopped calling me and eventually stopped seeing me. I was devastated but I didn’t run after him, I tried to be strong. I didn’t even try calling him or begging him to stay. After 3 months, I saw him again in one of the employee’s gathering, I was pretentious, trying to make him feel I’m okay, but deep inside I know I was hurting and I pitied my self. He initiated an invitation for dinner you know that old line “for old time’s sake”. He told me how sorry he was, that he was just struck deep the night he left me . He said he wanted me back and I gave him another chance. I guess, I just can’t say no to someone I still care about.
But, Joe, he’s very different now. He hates talking about marriage. Before, when he brings me home , a good night kiss was enough to give him a good sleep, but now he always wanted us to end up in bed. I hate the thought of being “used and abused” but this was exactly what I was going through . Joe, does he really love me? Did he really accept me regardless of my past? I feel so stupid over these things. I wanted to break up with him and start things all over again. My family doesn’t know what had just transpired in my life, I don’t want to disappoint them for any reason, because they had always been so proud of me. I’m confused, after Reggie, would there be another man, who will just use me upon learning of my past? I’m afraid this relationship might just go on endless circles Please help me. I had prayed to God a lot of times and I know he hears me. But I just can’t seem to guard myself from Reggie when my desire burns with passion .
Joe last week I just got an email from Roy, and he’s now separated from his wife, he took his child because he’s more financially capable of bringing him up. He said he wants me back and still loves me more than anyone else . Somehow I wanted to accept him considering it’s better that I end up with the man who has gotten me first. But, things are more complicated now. He’s married and I don’t want to be a mistress forever . Joe please help me. Thank you for sparing time reading this letter. God bless and more power.

Joes Notes
Dear Mitch,
Virginity has always been a sensitive issue in many relationships. There are men who still value greatly a woman’s chastity and would always want to have her first.. But the sad fact is, not all first relationships become our last and there many women who lose their virginity to their first boyfriends. Does this mean that these women are doomed to fail in their succeeding relationships? Well, I don’t think so. Many couples do not end up with their first beaus but they end up with happy marriages. I believe that this would only be an issue if there is no transparency in a relationship.
If you made a mistake in giving in to your first failed relationship then make sure your next boyfriend knows that he wasn’t the first. This is where many relationships are strained- women taking the risk of not telling their boyfriends about it. Men are likely to discover it one way or another, and if you take them by surprise , they would feel cheated ,get mad and get even. Then you can bid your relationship goodbye again.
Mitch, there is only one simple rule. A man who loves you would care less about your past but a man who doesn’t would live in it and use it to hurt you and find his way out . We all make mistakes. Women give in to men who they thought would be their forever. If they only knew they wouldn’t end up together , many of them would have been more careful in letting their passion take over. But what’s done is done. No woman goes to the doctor to have her virginity stitched back. She just has to go on and find someone who would accept her for what she was and love her for what she is.
Mitch , Reggie doesn’t love you . He just wants you. Don’t waste your life wanting him for you will only end up miserable knowing that you have been used and abused by someone who never cared about you at all. Pray for strength so you would have enough courage to desist your passionate desires and live your life the way you should. Stop hurting yourself and don’t think that you would never find someone who can embrace your past . Mitch , give yourself a chance and you will find the man whose love will see beyond your mistakes . The man who will understand you for all that you have been, accept you for what you have become and love you for what you truly are.