Jun 5, 2008


Hello Joe,
I don't know how to start, but I know I need help, at least to release the suppressed feelings I have. You see I'm a very blessed individual. I have a great family, I have a great job, I have great friends, and I know I have a very bright future ahead. As my friends would tell me, many would be envious with what I have and where I stand now.
I'm typically perceived as a strong individual, easy to get along with, not that stunningly beautiful, but I do have my share of suitors, its just that I never got interested with them, not after my last breakup 3 years ago, not until now.
I transferred almost two years ago to the firm I'm connected with right now, and everything was going well and good if not best, until recently. Being the friendly person that I am, I easily got close to my peers.
I treated all of my friends the same way, naturally me, always available whenever they needed me, being as nice as I can, that was the way I am. I never gave malice to whatever actions they rendered to me, and as always I made it a point to give all of my friends the same kind of attention. Among my many close peers, it was Rico who seem to appreciate me and who became my constant companion. It started with Rico telling me all about his likes, his life, his girlfriend and fiancée whenever time permitted. Though all of my other peers told me some of their life, Rico would tell me all the details, and he admitted that it was only me that he was able to tell these, only me aside from Janine, his fiancée. Janine was working in another country and was due to return in Manila mid next year for their wedding.
All the while, I provided a listening ear to Rico. Our constant conversation was followed up by phone calls, first during weekends, then more frequently after we got home from work. We even started going out first only after overtimes, then during weekends. When I had to work extra hours, he would wait for me, he would bring me home, or see to it that I was at home when we were not together. I appreciated that, and I thought I just appreciated it.
For him I knew he just needed a listening ear. Although he admitted that he didn't mention me to Janine even once. i encouraged him to tell her about me casually, because I knew there was really nothing to hide. One early morning, he called me up to tell me that he and Janine had a misunderstanding, because of me. He told Janine all about me, he told Janine that there was a possibility that he was already falling for me and naturally she got jealous, and mad. At that time I didnt know how to feel, but more than anything i pitied myself. I didnt have the slightest intention of doing them harm, I was being the best person I could be, I was being a friend, still I seem to appear as the bad guy, and to top it all I was alone, all alone.
After that incident, I suggested to Rico that we should not spend too much time together, to prevent any further malice, any other resulting incident. Things went back to normal, but still he would stay with me whenever time permits, and I would remind him of Janine. He even went to ask me if he was falling for me, I casually told him that he just missed Janine, after all they spent almost half of their lives together.
Things were worsening, because he was starting to compare me with Janine, and I was starting to get hurt. He would still discuss with me their wedding plans, he would ask my opinion on things about their future, and that was the time I realized I was the one falling, I was already falling for him and I had to restrain myself.
To make things easier for us, I had to make myself busy, off work. I had to go out with other friends, I made it a point to go out on groups whenever we would need to go out, and I started to stop rendering overtime work (to the detriment of my career). Still he never tired of telling me all about his life and his plans, and I was all the more getting hurt, because now I know I have fallen. He was teaching me a lot of things, and now I am already entertaining my suitors, because I know I am capable of loving again.
I've read somewhere that we shouldn't waste time to show someone we love them, in my case I just have to defy that. I know there are a lot of other people who are in the dilemma I'm in right now, it's hard, but we have to be this strong or much stronger.
I'm actually running out of excuses to get away from him, I am losing my strength in covering up my emotions. There are times I just want to resign from work, but I cannot give up my future in the firm, just because of this. I don't know how long I can hold on, until then, I still am hoping that we remain friends, that's the way it should be.
Please pray for me, and for people like me....
Joes Notes
Sometimes we wonder why just can’t we fall in love and be happy. Why does there always have to be a string of constraint and confusion attached to it. Why can’t we just love someone and not be guilty about feeling that way.
Mia, it’s a cold hard fact, that not all the people we choose to love may be able to return the same feelings. They may either be committed to someone else or may not be interested in us at all
But, Rico must have liked you a lot for he would not have had the courage to tell his girlfriend about his feelings for you. But you knew you never wanted to be the cause conflict so you backed off to a safe distance. I think he understood your message and somehow realized that he can never be more than a friend to you.
But, he thought wrongly. Now you are the one falling and hoping against hope that you may find love in him again.
Mia, your work doesn’t have to suffer just because you have fallen in love with your officemate. You cannot turn your back from what your heart cries out for. Somehow, you would have to get your act together and deal with this sweeping emotion. How long do you think can you hide your affection that grows as each day passes? How long can you make excuses to avoid him?
Mia, sometimes the easiest way to get the weight off our chest is to honestly let the other person know how we feel. Tell Rico that you are avoiding him because you are afraid of falling in love too deep that you may never be able to get out of it. Let him know that you just wanted to get it off your chest and that you are not in any way expecting anything from him. At least you would not have to worry about him finding out from someone else. After this, close this book and go on with your life.
He may remain as your friend or you may lose him forever. But, he may also return your feelings in a way that you would never expect. Then, this would have to be a new chapter. Mia live by the day and deal with your emotions as they come. Be honest with yourself and true to what you feel. Let us always remember that love never grows when it is secretly kept locked in our hearts. Love will only find fulfillment when it finds its way out and dwells in the heart of that person destined to keep it.